The Fear of Being Loved By Marissa Whitecloud

I'm afraid, ok?
I admit it,
I'm afraid,
Afraid of what you may ask?
I don't know,
Afraid of knowing,
Afraid of having the chance to get hurt,
That's why I never let people come close to me,
Let alone, make physical contact,
I end up hurting them just to keep them away,
I don't want to,
It just happens,
I'm afraid I'll get too close,
Afraid I'll loose something I loved,
Like all the others I lost before,
I'm afraid of asking,
Afraid of the answer being no,
I already know that's what they'll say,
No,
I don't THINK they'll say no,
I KNOW they'll say no,
I'm afraid,
Afraid of what it feels like to be loved,
Afraid to hold someones hand for the first time,
Afraid of what a first kiss is,
Afraid of being close,
Then it all comes back,
The fear of being hurt,
The fear of giving a chance,
The fear of loving,
The fear of touch,
I always try to stay away even though I want to see,
See what a hug is,
See what a hand to hold is,
See what it feels like to be kissed for the first time,
But the fear is always there,
Blocking my way,
The fear of being Loved.

Marissa Whitecloud